


Let It Be

by Lola_Mejor



Category: Glee
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-20
Updated: 2013-02-20
Packaged: 2017-11-29 22:31:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/692252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lola_Mejor/pseuds/Lola_Mejor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dalton era Klaine, set around "Funeral". Blaine is puzzled by Kurt's sudden distance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Blaine tried in vain to grab Kurt’s attention with every trick he knew. His leg brushed casually against Kurt’s under the table at the Lima Bean cafe. With every sip of coffee he placed the cup back on the table between them deliberately close to Kurt’s so that their knuckles grazed. He hummed along to the ambient music, harmonising and floating the high notes of the Dido song in a deliberate attempt to tear his boyfriend’s eyes away from the phone in front of him.   
  
Eventually, he grew impatient. “Kurt, the point of us meeting up and having coffee - aside from drinking said coffee -” he clarified with a smile that Kurt didn’t see, “is to actually talk, ya know... catch up now that we can’t spend as time together during school hours.”  
  
Blaine watched as Kurt let out a slow, quiet sigh and put his phone down in front of him, clicking the lock button so the screen went black. He waited with more patience than he thought he had as Kurt took a sip of his coffee and only then raised his eyes to make contact with Blaine’s. It was then that Blaine knew something was up... that Kurt’s silence wasn’t just fatigue, complacency or boredom.   
  
“Hey...”, Blaine let go of his coffee cup to enclose his fingers around Kurt’s. “I’m sorry if I sounded impatient, what’s going on?” He thought he saw or heard Kurt’s voice hitch in his throat, as Kurt’s hand absentmindedly brushed his hair to the side above his forehead in that deliberate way he tended to do so when he was stalling for time, before finally he spoke.   
  
“I’m sorry, I’m a bit distracted.” Kurt said in a calm voice, his eyes closed as he collected his thoughts. “You remember Ms Sylvester, the cheerleading coach at McKinley?” Kurt opened his eyes and looked directly at Blaine.  
  
“The crazy one who wears the tracksuits?” Blaine asked, puzzled at what Kurt could be getting at.   
  
“Yeah.” Kurt answered, still speaking calmly and deliberately. “Obviously as you’ve seen she isn’t the nicest of people - she’s overly competitive, manipulative and even mean.”  
  
Blaine’s mind was racing ahead of Kurt’s words as he tried to piece together scenarios that could lead to a story about Ms Sylvester being relevant. “What has she-”  
  
“No, no - she hasn’t done anything to me or one of the other Glee members,” Kurt added, his voice finally losing some of the calm monotone it had had, becoming higher and breathier. “She...” Kurt’s voice hitched in his throat again. “Well she had a sister who was everything she wasn’t - kind, thoughtful, playful...” Kurt’s voice has sped up and the words were tumbling out. “The complete opposite of a horrible person, and...” he stopped for a moment, his eyes looking off to the side as he shook his head imperceptibly, as if he couldn’t believe what he was saying.   
  
“ _Had_  a sister?” Blaine asked quietly.  
  
Kurt’s eyes flicked back to meet Blaine’s, his next words coming out in a bursting jumble:   
  
“Her-sister-who-seemed-the-sweetest-and-most-beautiful-person-died-of-pneumonia-last-night.”   
  
Kurt’s face pinched and he took in a breath sharply before holding it in; holding everything in it seemed.   
  
“Oh Kurt,” Blaine felt his body deflate and suddenly the air in the room seemed to weigh in on them both. He moved his other hand so that both his hands cushoined Kurt’s. “Did you know her very well?”  
  
Kurt laughed with a twisted, ironic smile. “That’s just it,” he exclaimed shrilly, shrugging his shoulders, breaking contact with Blaine and raising both hands in incomprehension. “I didn’t even know she - Jean, that is - existed until this morning when I found out she died; but...” he stopped speaking, breathed out fully and leaned his elbows on the table, letting his head fall into his hands.   
  
Blaine watched his boyfriend carefully, not really understanding but knowing that somehow this had had a significant impact on Kurt.   
  
“But...?” Blaine reached both his hands out, traced them up Kurt’s arms from his elbows until he had captured each hand in his, forcing Kurt to lift his head and look at him. “Tell me, Kurt.”  
  
“Well,” Kurt seemed to be trying to find the words, looking to the ceiling. “It’s just seeing the impact it has had on Ms Sylvester - she’s  _destroyed_ ,” he added, looking back at Blaine. “As much as I abhor so much of what Ms Sylvester does, I can’t help but feel for her... it just doesn’t seem fair.”  
  
Blaine watched as Kurt sunk back into the chair he was sitting in, folding in on himself as he reached for his phone and turned his attention back to whatever he had been doing before. Blaine too sat back in his chair, and watched Kurt carefully for a moment. As much as he wanted to just make everything better for Kurt, he didn’t understand exactly what it was that was wrong; much less what he could do to help. He thought back over the - admittedly few - months he had known Kurt. Kurt was usually so expressive an open. Even when he was having a hard time with Karofsky, or after Pavarotti died, he’d never shut out the world like this before. He’d never shut Blaine out.   
  
Blaine slid his chair back slowly and stood up. He took the now-empty coffee cups from the table and placed them in the trash, noting that Kurt didn’t react to the movement at all. He returned to the table, standing at Kurt’s side this time.   
  
“Hey,” Blaine placed a hand on Kurt’s shoulder softly, rubbing his thumb against the cool fabric. “Let me drive you home.”  
  
Kurt seemed to have a delayed reaction to Blaine’s presence, and when he finally looked up from his phone it was with an irritated sigh. “You just cost me the high score in tetris,” he said listlessly, putting the phone in his jacket pocket.   
  
“Sorry,” Blaine said simply, deducing that this was not the moment for any humorous quips or remarks. “I’m sure you’ll get it next time, but let me take you home first?”  
  
Kurt stood up slowly, still disconnected from the rest of the space around him, and slung his bag over his shoulder. Blaine placed his hand in the small of Kurt’s back to lead him out of the cafe, and Kurt let him do so as the boys walked out of the store in silence.   
  
Outside, the yellowing light of the late afternoon tinged the streetscape with a sickly but cold hue, and a cool, sharp wind whipping at Blaine’s neck made him glad for the scarf he was wearing. He was squinting into the dipping sun to keep his eyes on Kurt ahead of him. As approached the car he slowed down before stopping at the passenger door. Blaine hit unlocked the car using the remote but Kurt just stood there, a totem pole worn down by the sun’s fading rays, waiting in silence. Blaine opened the door for him and Kurt slid inside, eyes fixed - glazed - in front of him.  
  
They drove home in silence. A couple of times Blaine put a supportive hand on Kurt’s leg but the stiffening of Kurt’s thigh muscles and shifting on the seat discouraged him each time. When they arrived at Kurt’s place, Blaine again opened the door for Kurt, who seemed not to have noticed that they’d arrived. He stood on the sidewalk, blinking into the sunlight as he faced his house.  
  
“Hey.” Blaine had moved around Kurt, blocking the sun’s light and looking straight into his eyes. The confusion and distance those eyes portrayed made him worry even more. Blaine wondered if Kurt even knew why he was reacting this way.   
  
Despairing at the situation, Blaine pulled him into the best and biggest hug he could muster. “It’s ok Kurt,” he said softly into Kurt’s neck. “I’m here.”  
  
Kurt softened at Blaine’s touch and even put his arms around Blaine’s smaller frame, breathing deeply into his scarf as a strangled noise came from his throat.   
  
“Let’s go inside and talk it out,” Blaine said softly, and instantly wished he hadn’t as Kurt stiffened again.   
  
“No.” Kurt’s voice seemed angry  _\- but at what?_  Blaine wondered.   
  
“I mean,” Kurt stepped back from Blaine, closed his eyes and took a moment to compose himself. When he opened them again Blaine could see the distance that had been there before. Kurt spoke in a calm and detached way once more. “Just let it be,” he said steadily. “I need to figure this out... by myself.”   
  
Blaine tried not to show how hurt he was as Kurt’s apparent rejection of his support, and stepped back, nodding and bowing his head slightly. “Ok,” he said, squeezing Kurt’s arm one last time before stepping further back. “But you know where I am and you know I’m worrying about you, right?”  
  
“Yeah,” Kurt said distractedly, already walking towards his house. “I do. Thanks”   
  
Blaine stood, stuck to the spot on the side of the road, transfixed through squinted eyes as Kurt continued into the house, not even looking back as he shut the door. As he turned to get back in the car, Blaine struggled to keep his own composure: knowing that Kurt seemed to be hurting so much; knowing that he didn’t seem to want Blaine’s comfort; and knowing worst of all that he was, at that point, powerless to help.


	2. Chapter 2

Blaine sighed into his math book, the equations on the page were swimming in front of his eyes. The common room at Dalton was silent except for the rustling of papers as the 9 or 10 students sprawled on couches and around the table studied for finals. He was a good student, and thought he’d do ok in his final, but it didn’t come easily. His thoughts drifted to one of his father’s sayings: you don’t get anything worth having without hard work.  
  
Maybe it was a good thing that he wasn’t seeing Kurt today.   
  
Kurt.   
  
He glanced at his phone, but there was no new message.   
  
Almost as soon as he’d left Kurt’s place the day before he’d received an apologetic message:

__  
Thank you for being so supportive. I’m just in a weird space but it’s NOTHING to do with you. Talk soon xo  


  
The message had made Blaine feel better and worse all at once, and his mind had been unable to turn off or concentrate fully on his revisions since. It was just so unlike Kurt to be closed off to him. Sure, he was generally guarded (albeit passionate about certain things like singing and fashion), but not with Blaine.

  
The way he had been withdrawn the day before: focussing on his phone and the methodic machinations of Tetris rather than engaging with the environment around him. It just wasn’t like the Kurt Blaine had got to know. Because despite being so guarded, he and Blaine had had a connection from the moment they met. A mutual understanding; and Kurt had reached out to him. Sure, he had desperately needed someone who “got it” to reach out to, but Blaine had liked to think that Kurt would be able to come to him with anything, confide in him, especially now that they were together.   
  
It had taken all of Blaine’s self control not to message Kurt several times the night before. He’d thought about taking the battery out of his phone to remove the temptation of using it; but then what if Kurt decided he wanted to talk? So instead he had spent most of the night looking at the phone, re-reading Kurt’s message, instead of revising for his math final. Instead of sleeping.  
  
After that sleepless night he hadn’t been able to stop himself, so had sent a simple message at around 8am. The same one as the first message he’d ever sent to Kurt:

  


_Courage._

He’d still been holding his breath after sending it, thumb quivering above the phone where it had just pressed ‘send’, when Kurt had responded:  


 _Thank you. I won’t be able to see you after school - family stuff with Finn. I’ll explain later. Study well._

Again, Blaine didn’t know what to make of the message. His heart had leapt and swelled at the fact that Kurt responded - he obviously wasn’t being *ignored* - but the distance and matter-of-fact tone caused him more anguish. It was like Kurt had turned off his emotions, something Blaine would have said was an impossibility if someone had asked him about it just a day ago. 

But at least he was with Finn... right?

Blaine had furtively glanced at his phone at regular intervals throughout the day, risking its confiscation each time if one of the teachers saw. He wanted to respond to Kurt’s message but didn’t know how; or whether he would be intruding. Ordinarily he wouldn’t have these concerns - he had a particular habit of reaching out to people even when they didn’t want to be reached out to - but something about this was different. He didn’t know why, but he felt just as paralysed as Kurt’s emotions apparently were.

He glanced at his phone again, ignoring the swathe of math in front of him. It stared back at him accusingly. 

No new messages. 

Kurt had pushed him away once before - after they trialled that song “Animal” before regionals - but that had been more like a tantrum. Blaine still cringed thinking about it. This time... well Blaine didn’t know what it was; but he got the impression Kurt had locked himself away in a customised prism: superficial light and sound could get through but everything else was securely encased, out of reach. 

It seemed so cold.

He shivered, shifting slightly in his chair, and resolved to get back to the task at hand: studying. 

“Are you cold Blaine?” Wes and some other Dalton boys looked up from their positions studying in the common room. “We can close the window - it’s maybe not quite as summery as we’d like to think yet.”

“No I’m fine,” Blaine found his voice after a moment to clear his throat. “Just not looking forward to this final.”

“Oh please,” Wes rolled his eyes. “You’re going to make the rest of us look bad as usual with your excellent results this semester - just like you did the last despite your claims of having failed the exam!” He paused for a minute, remembering something. “Hang on, this is the first time this week you’ve actually studied with us rather than driving to Lima - everything ok?”

“Oh yeah,” Blaine said, a little too quickly. “Kurt’s busy and I’m pretty sure I’ll get more stuff done here than I usually do at the Lima Bean Cafe.”

“So that’s why you’ve spent the last half hour staring at your phone is it?” Jeff raised an eyebrow. 

“Not to mention at every opportunity during the whole day,” Nick added. “I don’t know how you didn’t get caught in English - you were a world of unsubtle about that.”

Blaine blushed, grabbed his phone and stuffed it in his pocket. “What is this, an intervention?” He asked crabbily. 

The air seemed to be sucked out of the room for a moment and all of the boys were now looking at Blaine, shocked at the uncharacteristic outburst. 

“C’mon,” Wes said, standing up and closing his books. “Time for a coffee run. Just us four,” he nodded to Blaine, Nick and Jeff.

Blaine knew what they were doing, but despite his feigned annoyance was grateful to them. He closed his books and followed the boys out of the room towards the cafeteria. 

\---

“I gotta say,” Nick broke the silence as the four of them stared at the brown liquid in their styrofoam cups, “it just sounds like Kurt needs a day or two to figure out his own feelings.”

“But it’s so unlike him!” Blaine protested in a whiny voice. “We spend so much time together; talk for hours, share everything...” Now that he was verbalising the thoughts that had been swimming in his head he wondered if it was such a good idea. He was going to get emotional pretty fast if they kept talking.

“Stop obsessing.” Wes ordered, placing a hand on Blaine’s wrist and stopping him short. “You said Kurt is doing something with his brother today, right? Why don’t you call Finn just to check everything’s ok?”

Blaine thought about that a moment. “It wouldn’t seem like I’d be checking up on Kurt?” he asked.

“Probably,” Wes admitted, “but would that usually stop you?” 

Blaine’s silence provided them with the obvious answer. Of course it wouldn’t.

The three boys glanced at each other and got up from the table. 

“We know you’ll be fine in finals, Blaine,” Jeff said, “but us? We really need to study so we’re going to get back to it. We’ll keep your seat free for you when you come back. 

Blaine nodded at them, and smiled in thanks. 

Once they had left, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and tried not to let his heart sink at seeing there still wasn’t a message from Kurt. As he scrolled through his contacts and pressed “Call” on Finn’s number, he really hoped Finn wasn’t with Kurt. 

“Oh hey, Blaine,” Finn sounded surprised as he answered the phone on the second ring. “Sorry, I was expecting a call from someone else.”

“Oh I’m sorry,” Blaine already felt embarrassed at calling FInn. “If you’re expecting an important call...”

“Uh no dude it’s ok, it’s just Quinn and there’s only so much listening to her I can take in one day,” Finn replied quickly.

“Oh, right.” Blaine said. 

“So, are you looking for Kurt?” Finn asked. “Cos he’s just taking some trash out but should be back soon.”

“Oh um, right, Kurt.” Blaine’s tongue felt heavy and awkward. “No actually I, uh, I’m glad he’s not there cos I wanted to ask you something.”

“Ok,” Finn drawled slowly. “What?”

“Um... well Kurt told me about Ms Sylvester’s sister,” Blaine’s heart felt like it was beating in his ears, “and he... um... he seemed to take it kinda hard,” the words started tumbling out. “But he didn’t want to talk to me and told me he needed some time and so it seems like he’s shutting himself away and he isn’t sending me messages but he did send one saying he was with you so I was just wondering...”

“You’re wondering... ?” Finn prompted, since Blaine had gone silent.

Blaine pressed a fist into the table in front of him with frustration, the phone still pressed to his ear. “Well what’s going on!?” He finally blurted out. 

“You mean with Kurt?” Finn asked.

“Yes, with Kurt,” Blaine said wearily - Finn could really be slow sometimes, and his ‘man of few words’ thing was really not helping at this time. “I mean, does he seem ok to you?”

“Well,” Finn thought about it for a moment, “I guess his voice seems a bit lower and calme - there’s not as much gushing and squealing. But we’re helping Ms Sylvester sort through her sister’s stuff so it’s not like it’s a party.”

“Hang on you guys are doing what?” Blaine was confused. 

“Oh Kurt didn’t tell you?” Finn seemed oblivious as to whether that fact meant he should share with Blaine or not, so kept talking. “He kinda cornered me last night, saying he felt bad for Ms Sylvester in losing someone, and how we can both understand cos he lost his mom, and I lost my dad, and he nearly lost his dad this year... and how somehow all that means we have to help her.” Finn paused, “I guess he’s right; I mean I didn’t know my dad but I’ve missed having him - like there’s something missing - so I see how it must be hard for Ms Sylvester.”

Blaine wondered briefly why Kurt couldn’t have told him any of this the day before, but focussed back on getting information out of Finn before Kurt returned. He would have time to obsess about that later. 

“So you’re helping clean up her sister’s stuff?” Blaine asked, fishing for more. 

“Yeah,” Finn said, “and we’re planning a memorial service. Ms Sylvester didn’t want to have one, but Kurt thinks it’s really important and she agreed so the Glee club is going to sing - even though Jesse St Big-shot thinks it’s a bad idea cos it means we’re not focussed on nationals.”

Blaine reflected a moment that Jesse was probably right about the focussing on nationals part, but had enough sense to also see that some things are more important than a competition. 

“Dude I thought you would have known all this.” Finn sounded confused across the phone. “Kurt said you had a final at the same time on Friday afternoon or something and couldn’t come, even though Rachel asked him to invite you - something about vocal balance and showing Jesse she’s not closed minded, or something.”

Blaine hadn’t heard Finn’s last comment and was stuck on the fact that Kurt hadn’t told him any of this and seemed not to want his support. He was hurt that Kurt hadn’t told him all this himself and hadn’t even discussed the memorial service with him let alone whether he should attend. At the same time, his mouth got dry and his heart-rate quickened a bit, feeling guilty at having gone behind Kurt’s back to get this information. If Kurt didn’t want to tell him, then he probably had a reason. Blaine had no idea what it could be, and almost gulped as the thought “he wants to break up” flashed across his mind, but he quashed both the gulp and the thought. That couldn’t be it. He would just have to be patient. 

“Dude?” Finn’s voice jolted Blaine into remembering he was on the phone.

“Oh right sorry,” Blaine said quickly, hoping the smile on his face transmitted across the phonecall. “Yeah I’ve been super busy studying for finals so Kurt probably just didn’t want to worry me.” He paused, “hey don’t tell Kurt we talked, ok? I don’t want him to think that what’s going on will have an impact on my grade or anything - he’s always telling me how guilty he feels for distracting me from studying, even though it’s my choice. And I do have an exam on Friday, so I guess I won’t be seeing the service you put together for Ms Sylvester’s sister.”

“Oh right, sure.” Finn said a little more brightly than before. “Listen I’ve gotta have this next box of stuff ready for when Kurt and Ms Sylvester get back for the next load.”

“Of course,” Blaine said, glad to have a way to finish the conversation. “I’m sure I’ll see you soon - remember don’t bother Kurt with the fact that we chatted, he’s got a bit on his mind.”

“Yeah right, well bye.” Finn hung up rather abruptly, leaving Blaine blinking quickly as he looked at his now silent phone. 

He thought back to another of his father’s favourite sayings: better informed but none the wiser. That definitely summed up the situation.

The Friday memorial service at least gave him a fixed point in time to look to. It was Wednesday afternoon. He would try to give Kurt space until after the service on Friday, and he would try not to think about why Kurt hadn’t confided in him, and what exactly was going on. 

It was going to be a long couple of days. 


	3. Chapter 3

All things considered, Blaine thought he’d done quite well from Wednesday afternoon to get to this point. As he sat in his car outside Kurt’s house, he ran through the sequence of events one more time in his head. He hadn’t got a lot of studying done for his final, but the exam had seemed easier than he thought it would be so hopefully that wouldn’t show too much in his grade. He also hadn’t had much luck in not thinking about why Kurt hadn’t confided him him (hence the lack of study) but at the same time he hadn’t gone into full melt-down, although the way his classmates had been watching him he must have looked to be close to it a couple of times. Finally, he definitely hadn’t succeeded in not messaging Kurt over the past two days, but then he never really thought that was a realistic option either.   
  
Blaine looked back over the messages. He hadn’t pushed Kurt with lots of them, and of what he had sent, he’d agonised over timing, content and tone.  
  
\---  
  
On Wednesday, following his chat with Finn, he’d managed to hold out right up until he was getting ready for bed before messaging Kurt: 

  
_How was your day?_   


  
Looking back at this now he was struck by the simplicity of those four words. He’d drafted at least eight other iterations of the message, some mentioning “family stuff”, some mentioning “Finn”, some asking how he was, and some asking if they could meet up the next afternoon. But in the end - and as much as it had hurt - he had held back.   
  
Kurt’s response came within seconds - a fact Blaine was grateful for as it stopped his heart from palpitating:

_  
Long. More to do tomorrow. Cuddled up in bed listening to The Beatles now. Good night xx_

  
Blaine hadn’t expected Kurt to suggest they see each other the next day, but he had been disappointed nonetheless. More than that, though, his heart ached at the thought of Kurt listening to The Beatles - he knew the emotional impact of their music for Kurt and could imagine him there, hugging his pillow with the soft light from his bedside lamp causing the tears on his cheek to glisten.   
  
Blaine knew he couldn’t do anything.

_  
Sleep well my prince xx_

  
As soon as he’d sent it he had winced at the wording, worried it was too much - a fear that seemed to be confirmed when Kurt didn’t reply - but Blaine literally hadn’t known what to say and the aching distance between them had removed some of his good sense, despite good intentions.   
  
After sending the message, Blaine had got into his own bed, and hugged his own pillow, with the soft light from his bedside lamp causing the tears on his cheek to glisten.   
  
Thursday had progressed much like Wednesday. Well, almost. Blaine hadn’t wanted to send the same text message as he had the day before so, against his better judgement, opted for something more direct:

_  
Let me know if you want to study together after school. Courage._

  
He hadn’t been able to resist saying “courage” again, but what happened next made him wish he’d *only* said “courage”.   
  
Silence.   
  
If you can call a lack of the written word “silence”.   
  
For nearly four hours, there was no response from Kurt to his message and by 4th period Blaine could feel the sweat from the tension dislodging his impeccably gelled hair. On numerous occasions he considered sending a follow up message; and apology, a plea, a declaration of undying love... ANYTHING to try to break the silence, but each time he forced himself to put his phone down (not attracting the attention of his teachers, though he saw the rest of the class was noticing his dance with the phone).   
  
Just when he had thought we was going to crush the phone in his hand with frustration and fear, it buzzed. He had gasped audibly in relief and nearly dropped the phone; instantly thankful he hadn’t as it would have made an obvious clatter resulting in its confiscation. A few deep breaths and furtive glances to make sure no one was watching later, and he had licked his lips and with shaking hands, looking at the screen:

_  
Busy again - and you need to study._

  
Blaine had felt hot tears pricking at the back of his eyes at the coldness of the message when the phone buzzed again:

  
_But I miss you xx_   


  
It was lucky that the bell had rung to signal the end of class at that moment, so the strangled gulp-come-yelp that escaped from Blaine’s throat was largely unheard by the others in the classroom. Nick had caught it though, and at lunch he and a couple of the other Warblers had confiscated Blaine’s phone off him, promising to bring it back to him the *instant* that any message from Kurt came through.   
  
Not having his phone for the rest of the day had seemed to make studying harder, because there was nowhere to focus his eyes while his brain went crazy worrying about Kurt and their relationship, but somehow Blaine had managed. He was even more proud with himself that he had managed to wait until late on Thursday night until he’d responded to Kurt’s message:

  
_I miss you too. Goodnight xx_   


He had decided he wouldn’t wait for a response that night, and snuggled into bed with the phone held tightly to his chest. In that position, the feeling of it buzzing lightly against his skin a couple of minutes later caused a jolt to run through him in more ways than one.   
  
Trying to focus on the illuminated screen in the dark, his eyes bleary, Blaine had smiled sleepily at the text: 

__  
Sleep well my prince xx  


With that, Blaine had hugged the phone closer still and fallen asleep, secure in the knowledge that the next day was Friday.  
  
\---  
  
Blaine put his phone down on his knee again. He had read and re-read the exchange of messages between him and Kurt over those past few days umpteen times. By sheer force of will (and the fact that phones weren’t allowed while taking finals), he hadn’t sent any message to Kurt on Friday.   
  
Worryingly, that seemed to also mean that Kurt hadn’t sent *him* any messages. Correlation or causality? He didn’t dare think about it too much.   
  
It was getting dark outside and he could see the lights in the house coming on slowly from where he sat in his car. Friday night was family dinner night at Kurt’s place, but he’d been before and was sure he would be welcomed; Burt and Carole might even assume Kurt had invited him. But he knew he was inviting himself and there was a risk Kurt wouldn’t react well. It was this fear that had kept him paralysed in the same position for almost an hour.  
  
The bright headlights of an SUV blared through his windscreen, making him realise just how dark - and late - it was. As scared as he was at turning up at the door unannounced, he was more afraid that if he didn’t see Kurt, the distance between them would become permanent. With renewed determination, he pulled his key out of the ignition, pushed the door open, and walked with surprising confidence towards the front door.   
  
\---  
  
“Blaine! Kurt forgot to tell us you were coming,” Carole smiled warmly as a glow of warmth and familial light emanated from the doorway. She had answered before Blaine had even finished the first knock on the door. “Nevermind,” she continued cheerily, not noticing the look of mild panic on Blaine’s face, “it’s lasagne tonight and I always make double for Finn to enjoy as left-overs the next day so there’s plenty. Although poor Finn looks like he’ll need some leftovers tomorrow too.”  
  
“Oh,” Blaine was confused. “Is he alright?”  
  
“Girl trouble.” Carole replied in a hushed voice, “but I’ll let Kurt fill you in.” She stepped back from the door giving Blaine space to walk inside and called out over her shoulder. “Kurt! Blaine’s here - and just in time too because dinner’s on the table so come downstairs now please!”  
  
Carole walked into the kitchen leaving Blaine to close the door behind him and wait for Kurt at the bottom of the stairs. He found himself relieved that dinner was ready - hopefully there was less chance Kurt would tell him to leave with the whole family watching. Still, he wanted to gauge Kurt’s reaction to his presence first so stood there, perfectly still and alone, under the downlights in the hall.   
  
“What do you mean Blaine’s-” Kurt stopped midway in both his sentence and the stairs at seeing Blaine in front of him. “What are you...” He didn’t seem angry, but Kurt’s body definitely tensed up at seeing Blaine so unexpectedly. His mouth opened and closed a couple of times and it looked like he was fighting back tears for a moment before he redressed himself - rotating his shoulders, closing his eyes and taking a couple of deep breaths before opening them and looking Blaine again.  
  
“Kurt I’m sorry to just show up - I wanted to get here a bit earlier to talk to you first...” Blaine silently cursed the fact that he’d sat in the car for so long.  
  
“Boys! In here now - it’s family night not date night!” Burt’s voice cut through the space between them, but didn’t seem to penetrate. Blaine and Kurt now had their eyes locked on each other, each searching for meaning and an explanation.   
  
“Did you hear me boys?” Burt tried again. “I’m going to come in there in a minute, which means I won’t be able to protect your dinner from Finn’s appetite...”  
  
“Coming Dad,” Kurt said, his eyes not leaving Blaine’s. His voice sounded a bit shaky, but Blaine didn’t think anyone else would notice. “We’ll be there in 2 seconds.”  
  
Kurt lowered his voice to speak just to Blaine. “We can talk about it after dinner. I... I’m...” he hesitated, seemingly fighting to keep his composure, “I’m really glad to see you though.” He tried a wan smile, before moving down the rest of the stairs and leading Blaine into the kitchen.  
  
Blaine felt relief wash through him as followed Kurt’s lead, and he vowed to eat his dinner as fast as politeness would allow so he and Kurt could finally talk. 


	4. Chapter 4

“I’m really glad to see you though...”  
  
Kurt’s last comment to Blaine before they went into the kitchen to join the family for dinner was the only thing that allowed Blaine to maintain his decorum during the meal.   
  
The words floated around his head like a soothing mantra as he listened to Carole try to encourage Finn to eat; she was clucking disapprovingly at her son, who insisted he wasn’t hungry and it had *nothing* to do with the fact that Quinn and he had broken up; or with the fact that Rachel seemed to be quite interested in that Jesse St James kid.  
  
Blaine watched Kurt carefully during the meal. He seemed tired - not in a sleepy way, but as if he was drained emotionally. That was probably fair enough, seeing as they’d had the memorial service that afternoon. Blaine wondered whether he should ask how it went, but then remembered technically he didn’t know it had happened. Burt came to the rescue on that front.  
  
“I hear you boys did a wonderful job this afternoon,” Burt was speaking to both Finn and Kurt but, like Blaine, seemed to have his eyes on Kurt only. “You know Carole and I are very proud of you both for showing such compassion and for another person - especially one who hasn’t been too nice to you in the past.”  
  
“Uh... yeah... thanks Dad,” Kurt was avoiding looking up from his plate as he moved some salad around with his fork.   
  
“How did your audition go yesterday?” Burt continued, addressing only Kurt this time. He wasn’t giving up that easily.   
  
Blaine’s head shot up. He didn’t even know Kurt had had an audition for something. Kurt glanced up to look at him quickly, a flash of guilt moving through them as Kurt mouthed “sorry” before responding to his father.   
  
“Oh I don’t know...” Kurt’s voice seemed more steady now that he was speaking about himself. “I was good but I think Rachel will get the part for Nationals anyway.”  
  
“That Jesse kid’s influence on the decision?” Burt’s voice grew tighter. “If there’s anything funny going on I can come and talk to that Mr Schuester - you deserve the big parts just as much as her.”  
  
“No, no Dad it’s not like that,” Kurt waved a hand lazily in the air, batting away Burt’s concern. He sighed into his almost-empty plate and moved the last remaining bit of salad from one side to the other again. “Well, we won’t find out who got it until Monday anyway - there’s nothing I can do for now so I’m just not going to worry about it.”  
  
Blaine watched the exchange carefully, surprised at Kurt’s nonchalance towards the audition. He was sure Kurt cared more about getting that solo than he let on, but the day’s events seemed to have drained him so much he didn’t have the energy to care about it right then and there.   
  
Kurt glanced at Blaine again uncertainly, and Blaine noticed Kurt’s eyes flit down at Blaine’s empty plate, an eyebrow raised asking the silent question. Blaine nodded and felt his heartrate increase in anticipation and fear at the promise of finally getting some time alone with Kurt.  
  
“May we be excused, Dad?” Kurt asked, trying to sound blasé about it. “We’ll clear the table first.”  
  
Burt looked like he wanted to object to Blaine and Kurt spending alone time on family night rather than joining the rest of them in the living room, but the mood of the evening seemed to dissuade him.   
  
“Sure Kurt, Blaine.” he nodded at them.   
  
“Thank you for a wonderful dinner as always Ms Hudson,” Blaine smiled at Carole as he collected plates from around the table a little more noisily and hastily than would usually be the case, and handed them to Kurt who stood at the ready at the dishwasher to load them in.  
  
If Carole responded to Blaine, he wasn’t still there to hear it as he and Kurt finished their task and moved briskly out of the kitchen.   
  
\---  
  
Kurt had almost run to his room and Blaine had to keep a quick pace as he followed. As he got to the door of Kurt’s room he saw Kurt sitting on the end of his bed, looking tense, his focus fixed on the wall in front of him. Blaine hesitated at the door for a minute before softly shutting it behind him. Usually they left the door a little bit open as per Burt’s instructions, but tonight was different; and Blaine was pretty sure the reason they were asked to keep the door open wouldn’t apply tonight. He stood in front of the now-closed door for a couple of minutes, just watching Kurt, who was breathing evenly, hands scrunching his bedcovers tightly.   
  
Eventually, Kurt’s head turned slowly to look at Blaine. At that moment all other thoughts went out of Blaine’s mind and he swooped in, climbing onto Kurt’s bed and balancing on his knees to be able to envelope Kurt in the biggest hug he could muster. He didn’t say anything, and instead just held Kurt tightly.   
  
At first, Kurt didn’t react or move, his arms remaining at his side with hands scrunched in the bed covers. Blaine wasn’t about to give up, however, and just kept holding Kurt, one hand rubbing slightly at Kurt’s back. Slowly, Kurt’s muscles began to relax and he sank into Blaine’s hug. Eventually, Blaine felt Kurt’s hands reach slowly around his waist, holding him at first loosely, and then just as fiercely as Blaine was holding Kurt. It was then that Kurt’s breathing started to become laboured, his body shaking as the emotion only hinted at when they had last seen each other started coming out.   
  
“It’s ok, Kurt,” Blaine whispered softly into his ear. “I’m here... for whatever you need, I’m here.” As much as Blaine wanted to ask for some kind of explanation and talk it out, he forced himself to indicate the exact opposite. “We don’t even have to talk about it... we can just be together for a while.”  
  
Blaine heard a sob escape from Kurt into his chest at the last comment before Kurt started pulling back, his face red and puffy, eyes watering but full of gratitude.   
  
“Can we do just that?” Kurt’s voice was louder than a whisper, but barely more than a squeak. “I just want to lie down with you holding me.”   
  
Blaine nodded, smiling, and placed a soft kiss on Kurt’s lips before shifting with him up onto the bed and lying down, enveloping Kurt in his arms as they both lay on their side.   
  
“Of course, Kurt,” he nuzzled into Kurt’s neck. “I’d like nothing more than to just be with you right now.”  
  
Kurt reached out in front of him and pressed ‘play’ on his docked iPhone, and then re-folded his arm against his chest as Blaine held him, squeezing tightly.   
  
Blaine immediately recognised the opening notes of the Beatles’ song Let It Be, and he kissed Kurt softly behind his ear but didn’t say a word as they both listened to the song.

__  
When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,  
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.   
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,   
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Blaine could feel Kurt’s shaky breath against his arms, and tried his best to remain strong and supportive in his hold on Kurt, while at the same time appreciating the pain being portrayed in the song. 

  


 _And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,_  
there will be an answer, let it be.   
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,   
there will be an answer. let it be.

Blaine realised he’d never listened to the lyrics of the song properly, and was starting to understand why Kurt was latching onto this particular song. His empathy for Ms Sylvester following her sister’s death came from Kurt knowing great pain himself - sharing in her pain. Blaine started to feel his own breath becoming shaky, as a lone tear dropped from Kurt’s cheek onto his hand.

  


 _And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,_  
shine until tomorrow, let it be.   
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,   
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

The song came to an end, and it was obviously the only track that Kurt had had queued up as a relative silence fell over the room. The only noise was the minimal buzzing of Kurt’s bedside lamp, and the sound of their breathing.

“Did you know the ‘mother Mary’ in that song refers to Paul McCartney’s mother?” Kurt’s soft voice filled the room like silk. “She died of cancer when he was a kid and he used to dream of her when he was sad or stressed out; and it used to help him get through it.”

Blaine didn’t know what to say - he simply had no words. He was glad Kurt couldn’t see his face at that point because the colour had drained out of it with the sheer sadness of what Kurt had said. 

“I used to wish I could dream about my mom like that,” Kurt said more softly, “that my subconscious could conjure up her image and her spirit to tell me what to do - like she’d never gone...” he stopped speaking for a while and Blaine placed a couple of soft kissing on his neck and shoulder, not knowing what else to do. 

“But she is gone... and I’ve learnt not to pretend otherwise.” Kurt said the words with heartbreaking finality. 

“Is that why you were so affected by what happened this week?” Blaine figured he already knew the answer, but needed a way to get Kurt to talk about what had happened. Moreover (and probably selfishly) he wanted to understand why it had led to Kurt shutting him out. “Because Ms Sylvester has lost the person that she most looked to?”

He felt Kurt nod in agreement and hugged his arms around him more tightly, waiting patiently for Kurt to say more. 

“It’s impossibly hard, Blaine...” Kurt began but cut himself off for another minute before continuing. “I know no-one’s life is perfect but when you have such a big part of your life taken away, if there’s no-one there with you to help you face that then...” his voice had all but disappeared into a squeak and he paused again.

“But you have people with you... your Dad... me...” Blaine began but was cut-off immediately.

“I didn’t mean me - I meant Ms Sylvester.” Kurt said quickly, “You didn’t see her at school that day... she was so lost and I...” his breath hitched again, “I knew *exactly* how she felt.”

Blaine wanted to say something, but was afraid of saying the wrong thing again. Kurt spoke again before he could anyway.

“I knew how she felt,” Kurt continued, “but I also knew that she *didn’t* have someone in her life like I have my Dad... or you.” Blaine felt his heart flutter a little at the thought that Kurt did consider him a valuable source of support, but continued listening. 

“So I decided to do everything I could to help; not to be that person for her to fall back on - because I can’t fill that role for her - but to do everything I could to help her remember Jean, and also say goodbye.” 

Kurt seemed to have found his voice again and was now speaking more easily as he began recounting his activities from the week. 

“I persuaded Finn to help and we approached Ms Sylvester, offering to help her. She said we could help pack up her sister’s room, and also allowed us to plan the memorial service.”

Blaine hugged Kurt a little tighter, impressed that his compassion extended to help a person who spent a lot of her time trying to destroy the Glee Club. 

“She was hurting so much she wanted to throw all of her sister’s stuff out,” Kurt shook his head a little against the pillow, “but I knew she’d want some of that stuff eventually so we managed to save a lot of it - especially her sister’s ‘Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory’ DVD, the original book ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’, and other paraphernalia. Ms Sylvester said it had been Jean’s favourite thing so we designed the memorial service with that theme - and the Glee Club sang ‘Pure Imagination’ from the movie.” 

“That must have been beautiful, Kurt,” Blaine said softly into his neck. “What you have done for her is so wonderful.”

They lay there for another couple of minutes, not saying anything, just breathing in unison - but Blaine’s mind was still whirring with uncertainty: the uncertainty of why Kurt hadn’t been able to tell him any of this beforehand; the uncertainty of why Kurt hadn’t even told him about the memorial service - or his audition for that matter.

“There’s just one thing I don’t really understand,” Blaine stopped as soon has he had said the words, his heart suddenly racing. The last thing he wanted to do was accuse Kurt of not being considerate.

“What?” Kurt’s voice didn’t seem to be accusing, but Blaine already felt guilty for raising it. Kurt shuffled and turned so that he was facing Blaine, still within the hold of Blaine’s embrace, their faces only inches apart. 

“Why...” Blaine swallowed as he looked into Kurt’s eyes, realising this was harder now that he could see the emotional exhaustion in Kurt’s expression. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this before now? I knew you were hurting but I couldn’t do anything - I felt so powerless, Kurt.”

Blaine felt tears prickling at his eyes and blinked them way with frustration - he was not the person in pain here; he should be able to hold it together. 

Kurt’s eyes widened slightly with surprise and realisation. “Oh Blaine I’m sorry I knew I was shutting you out but I didn’t realise how much...” he was looking for the right words, “I mean, I tried in my messages to reassure you that it wasn’t about you, but I couldn’t...” he trailed off.

“What couldn’t you do?” Blaine asked softly, not angry or hurt, just unsure.

“I couldn’t let myself lean on you, or on anyone,” Kurt finally answered, his eyes looking down to avoid Blaine’s for a minute, before he looked back up. “I don’t know if this makes any sense, but I was trying so hard to be strong in helping Ms Sylvester - while at the same time feeling so much of her pain myself - that I... I needed to be able to just concentrate on that without allowing myself to be swallowed by my own just to function.”

The buzzing of Kurt’s lamp and sound of the two boys breathing took over the room again, although now they could hear the dull sound of the television downstairs and some particularly intense emo music emanating from Finn’s room down the hall. Blaine didn’t quite know how to react to what Kurt had said. As much as he had wanted, yearned, to be able to be there for Kurt, if being separate from Kurt was what had allowed him to help Ms Sylvester as he had... then Blaine could see how it was the right thing for Kurt to do in the circumstances - even if it had hurt him to not be there; or know what was going on.

“You have to know I’ve wanted nothing but to be held by you, to be held by you like you’re holding me right now, since the moment I found out what happened.” Kurt seemed to be pleading with Blaine, perhaps uncertain at the silence that had filled the room. “I... I just wanted it all to go away and for you to hold me and tell me that you were here and that everything was ok, but then I wouldn’t have been able to be strong - I wouldn’t have been able to be strong for Ms Sylvester.”

Blaine pulled one of his arms back from around Kurt and brushed his fingers against Kurt’s cheek. “I understand,” he said, letting his hand come to a rest on Kurt’s cheek. And he really did understand, finally. No matter how much it had driven him insane, and no matter how much he would have liked to be a support to Kurt in his time of need, Blaine understood that sometimes people just needed to face something on their own - as long as they know that they have that person to lean on waiting for them. And Kurt definitely had him. 

“And I’m so proud of you for everything,” Blaine continued, “and so touched that you would share your memories of your mom with me,” he referred back to the Beatles song they had listened to. 

“Just do me a favour?” Blaine raised an eyebrow looking at Kurt before continuing. “Next time you need to face something on your own, tell me what’s going on so I don’t have to call Finn and interrogate him?”

Kurt gasped in slight shock before giggling at Blaine’s admission. He leaned in to kiss Blaine slowly; a warm, wet kiss with their saliva being joined by both their tears. When Kurt pulled away again, he was truly smiling - with his mouth and his eyes - for the first time that day. 

“It’s a deal,” Kurt said, before releasing a contented sigh and resting his head back on the pillow, pulling himself closer to Blaine and closing his eyes, just happy to be with him. “Thank you, my prince,” he said sleepily, and without a hint of irony, into Blaine’s chest.

Blaine smiled and kissed Kurt’s forehead before leaning over him and pressing ‘play’ on the docked iPhone. He started humming along as the Beatles’ song began to play again, and they both sang along together softly to the lyrics; and they let it be.   
 _  
_  


_Fin._


End file.
